Romance Me
Dear Both Ends: This is the first time I am writing to an advice column. My husband of five years
(we’re actually together ten) doesn’t romance me anymore. He was wonderful in the beginning,
with all the love letters and flowers, but now it’s like I’m living with a completely different man.
We haven’t kissed in years and when we have sex, it’s just what he can get out of it. How can I
tell him I want to be romanced and kissed like he used to do without my sounding whiny and
further drive him away?
MJ; age 32, married 5 years, no children, receptionist
Dr Gomes: I am guessing that you have said something about this before to your husband.
People may sound particularly whiny when they repeat themselves, but people repeat themselves
because they do not feel that they are heard or understood. It sounds like you could use a
facilitator to help you each feel heard and understood. I am sure that there are things that he
would ask of you in return that you help him keep the passion alive. Know that this pattern of
waning passion is common in the beginning of relationships. In the beginning stages people are
shifting from a state of singlehood to couplehood. After being together for a while the balance
needs readjustment to add more singlehood. This balancing between self and other will need
attending for the rest your relationship. The important thing to remember is that relationships
become alive when passion and energy are invested.
Suggestion: If you were in the Seattle area, I recommend the Kissing School (www.kissingschool.
com).
Larry Star: Think about why your husband may not be romancing you. I don’t know what you
look like, but it is a fact that women sometimes let themselves go when they feel comfortable in a
relationship. Do you feel you look every bit as hot as you did when he first met you? Another
factor is that you both know every inch of each other’s bodies, reactions and sexual desires. It is
my contention that romance stems from mystery. Stop shaving your pits in front of him, throw
away your sweat pants, and become that woman who enticed him ten years ago.
Suggestion: Listen to Rod Stewart’s, “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?”
From Both Ends: Clearly we both agree that more passion is needed in their relationship. Dr.
Gomes thinks both MJ and her husband need to communicate their ideas of increasing passion.
Larry says a little attention to her personal appearance will yield the results she is after.
Dear Both Ends: This is the first time I am writing to an advice column. My husband of five years
(we’re actually together ten) doesn’t romance me anymore. He was wonderful in the beginning,
with all the love letters and flowers, but now it’s like I’m living with a completely different man.
We haven’t kissed in years and when we have sex, it’s just what he can get out of it. How can I
tell him I want to be romanced and kissed like he used to do without my sounding whiny and
further drive him away?
MJ; age 32, married 5 years, no children, receptionist
Dr Gomes: I am guessing that you have said something about this before to your husband.
People may sound particularly whiny when they repeat themselves, but people repeat themselves
because they do not feel that they are heard or understood. It sounds like you could use a
facilitator to help you each feel heard and understood. I am sure that there are things that he
would ask of you in return that you help him keep the passion alive. Know that this pattern of
waning passion is common in the beginning of relationships. In the beginning stages people are
shifting from a state of singlehood to couplehood. After being together for a while the balance
needs readjustment to add more singlehood. This balancing between self and other will need
attending for the rest your relationship. The important thing to remember is that relationships
become alive when passion and energy are invested.
Suggestion: If you were in the Seattle area, I recommend the Kissing School (www.kissingschool.
com).
Larry Star: Think about why your husband may not be romancing you. I don’t know what you
look like, but it is a fact that women sometimes let themselves go when they feel comfortable in a
relationship. Do you feel you look every bit as hot as you did when he first met you? Another
factor is that you both know every inch of each other’s bodies, reactions and sexual desires. It is
my contention that romance stems from mystery. Stop shaving your pits in front of him, throw
away your sweat pants, and become that woman who enticed him ten years ago.
Suggestion: Listen to Rod Stewart’s, “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?”
From Both Ends: Clearly we both agree that more passion is needed in their relationship. Dr.
Gomes thinks both MJ and her husband need to communicate their ideas of increasing passion.
Larry says a little attention to her personal appearance will yield the results she is after.
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