Dear Both Ends: My husband is a very hard worker. We are good Christians, and we
both agree on how to raise our children. Our oldest child will be starting Kindergarten
in the next year or so and we want to prepare ourselves for his interaction with other
children. We don’t have cable and we don’t allow our son to watch much regular
television, what with all the sex and violence going on in most shows today. We
monitor his playmates when they have playtime together, although some of the older
playmates get him involved in games that involve conflict and play-fighting. We realize
that we cannot shelter our boy from all things that we feel are detrimental to his
upbringing, yet we are concerned about what he will encounter when he does start
school. What can we do to minimize his exposure to the things we find quite
unfavorable?
Christine, age 29, married 4 years, mother of a 4 year-old boy and an18month-old girl, stay-at-
home-mom.
Dr. Gomes: It seems like you both care enough to protect your son and that you are both
cautious about his exposure to outside influences. However, the best assurance of protecting
your son is knowledge with guidance. Rather than trying to protect him by limiting exposure, fill
his natural curiosity with appropriate information. If you do not discuss issues of sex and violence,
the void will be filled by someone or something else. Look at the Sexuality Information and
Education Council of the United States website (www.SIECUS.org) for information on how to
actively discuss sexuality with your son. As for dealing with violence, I recommend you visit an
Aikido marital arts dojo. Aikido as a marital art philosophy teaches how to protect yourself without
harming another. While Aikido will not shelter him for graphic violence on-screen, it will help him
should he encounter violence in person.
Suggestion: Dr Gomes recommends visiting http:///www.familiesaretalking.org for more specific
suggestions on childhood sexual development as well as http://www.siecus.
org/pubs/RightFromTheStart.pdf.
Larry Star: Boy, oh, boy, do you have your chignon wound too tightly. Let the kid be a kid.
There is nothing worse than sheltering a kid from the realities of life only for him to find out about
them as an adult. It’s my contention that if a child sees the negative side of things at an early
age, he has more time to learn how to cope with the bad stuff life throws at you from time to
time. It is obvious you are an involved parent with good moral values. Just keep on pounding
them home, be there to pick him up when he falls (and, please, let him fall) and let him live his
life. He will be more well-rounded as an individual and less inclined to experiment behind your
back. And believe me, Christine; he will do things behind your back. I already feel like I have to.
Suggestion: Listen to Brownsville Station’s “Smoking in the Boys Room.”
Both Ends: We both agree that sheltering Christine’s children from sex and violence will do more
harm than good in the long term. Taking the extra steps in teaching her children how to cope
with the reality of our modern culture, rather than sheltering them, is the best method for them
to mature into healthy adults.
